Real Talk with Sofia Clarke Episode 2, Special Guest: Mr. DEDEDE
(A REAL TALK logo appears on screen as it slowly fades to Sofia Clarke who is shown sitting in a dimly lit room with a coffee table to her right side. The coffee table has a lamp and a landline phone placed on top of it.)
SOFIA CLARKE: WELCOME EVERYONE TO REAL TALK WITH YOUR HOST, SOFIA CLARKE! Before we welcome our next guest I’d like to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who tuned in on Fight Grid last weekend and watched our show! We got amazing feedback and for that everyone who is behind making REAL TALK what it is thanks you! Now onto our guest… We really did hit the jackpot, ladies and gentlemen. Please help me welcome the absolute legend, my personal favorite wrestler to ever grace this earth… The legend, the GAWD… One half of REVOLT’s Tag Team Champions… MR. DEDEDE!
(The cameras then focus on Mr. DEDEDE who is wearing dark shades and an all black ensemble: black button down dress shirt, black dress slacks and black dress shoes. Mr. DEDEDE’s hair is neatly combed into a man bun and he has his Tag Team Championship on his shoulder.)
MR. DEDEDE: Never meet your idols cupcake, they always disappoint.
SOFIA CLARKE: Oh… okay. How do you feel about being here on REAL TALK?
MR. DEDEDE: I don’t live in a world where feelings matter Sofia, but I suppose since being in an ‘interview’ is supposed to be me sitting down here and talking about my feelings, I suppose I’m willing to oblige. That being said this all “FEELS” like a fucking waste of my time. That’s how it “FEELS” to be on Real Talk. How’s that for ‘real talk?’ No offense, of course.
SOFIA CLARKE: Hmm… well anything you’d like to say before we begin?
MR. DEDEDE: My head hurts.
SOFIA CLARKE: Well, let’s get this started shall we? Now the producer is telling my through my ear piece that we have A BUNCH of calls coming in! And for that we need not one phone line… BUT TWO!
(A man wearing a headset quickly walks on stage and places another landline phone on the table.)
MR. DEDEDE: This is more hit-ups than I get in a week.
SOFIA CLARKE: Alright, Ryan, is it okay if I call you Ryan?
MR. DEDEDE: Only if we fucking.
SOFIA CLARKE: Well, you can push the call button on that phone and I can push that one.
(Sofia fumbles with the phones as both phones begin to ring.)
SOFIA CLARKE: ALRIGHT! (Pushes button) FIRST CALLER! YOU’RE LIVE!
Man: Hello, the names Robert and first of all lemme say that I’m a huge fan, man.
MR. DEDEDE: Well we have something in common, then.
Robert: I’m about to cry but I want to ask – You haven’t been in another promotion in a long time. How does it feel to test the waters in Revolt?
MR. DEDEDE: Sir let me ask you something, does it look like I need do “test the waters” anywhere? There’s not a wrestling ring on the planet that I haven’t scoured every inch of, down to the backside of the ring apron. Wrestling in REVOLT is no different from any other environment, at the end of the day it’s me in my backyard, holding a sledgehammer, standing over a bunch of ants – just like every other wrestling company I’ve been in. See this is the problem with mouthbreathers like this one on the line being allowed to have free speech and being able to ask these ridiculous, IDIOTIC questions.
Robert: Oh, okay. Can I ask another question?
MR. DEDEDE: SIR –
Robert: I SWEAR IT’LL BE REAL QUICK – What is your opinion on Malcolm Jones and Astraea Jordan coming over to REVOLT? Can we see a Bomplex reunion in the future?
MR. DEDEDE: *sigh* … If Astraea learns from Malcolm’s mistakes and Malcolm learns from his own mistakes, I’ll be more than happy to send my support from afar. The problem that I have with Malcolm Jones is the same problem that I have with the majority of people, period; you lot don’t seem to realize that I’m at war. When the “Bomplex” was in full effect, I was in a state of blissful ignorance, and while it was certainly fun while it lasted, what use is it to ignore all the world’s ails from your ivory tower while Rome is burning all around you?
Robert: What was it like going from being in a stable with MJ to fighting him for a championship a month later?
MR. DEDEDE: Malcolm Jones made the mistake of getting in the crossfire of the war that I’m in. You’re asking me what it’s like to be an opponent of his just after being his comrade, what the hell do you think it’s like? How the hell would you feel if you were forced to undo months, if not years of your own work by being forced to cut through your very own flesh in blood – all for the sake of SURVIVAL? Hope that answers your damned question.
SOFIA CLARKE: Alright, folks please one question each caller! We want to get through as many as we can. Caller, you’re liiiiiive!
MR. DEDEDE: *waits a moment for the caller* Mhm… another ADHD baby.
MR. DEDEDE: Yes, you are on the fucking line…..
Woman: My name is Rasheed and everyone knows that you are a very successful wrestler. My question is what is one of the biggest disappointments from your professional wrestling career?
MR. DEDEDE: Losing to CM Banks in the main event of Pain 4 Pride. Next call.
SOFIA CLARKE: You’re live with Sofia and Mr. DEDEDE!
Man: Yo, Adams.
MR. DEDEDE: The crackheads are out in full force tonight aren’t they.
Man: Yooo, you kinda got flabby son.
MR. DEDEDE: That’s not what your mother said. Your whore of a mother thinks I look exquisite. Which one of my bastards sons are you, cocksucker? State your name.
Man: I ain’t givin you my name homie but you gettin kinda fat. Would you ever consider dropping the donuts and some weight and joining the lightweight division?
MR. DEDEDE: You wouldn’t come say that to my face though would you, coward? I’ll cut weight when you get a job, how about that? I’ll become a goddamned WELTERWEIGHT when you get a fucking job, but I know that’s not going to happen crackhead. Have fun riding the adult short bus and begging for loosies. Hope you get acquainted with the city bus driver, that’ll be your only friend until you die of kidney failure loser. This a grown ass man calling in to say shit to a man that he’d never say in person. Enjoy your welfare check while it lasts you guttertrash swine.
SOFIA CLARKE: Okay, next caller! Do you want to push the next button?
MR. DEDEDE: …
SOFIA CLARKE: ok, I can push it.
Man: Sup, man. The names Roger and I want to know whether we can expect a singles run in the future?
MR. DEDEDE: You can expect to see a singles run when I intend to pursue a singles run.
Roger: That’s it?
MR. DEDEDE: Well ok sir let me put it like this then; when Impact and I become tired of dominating the tag team division, I MIGHT start to think about it. But just a suggestion, perhaps you’re better off not asking a man currently holding his newly-won REVOLT Tag Team title belt when he plans on foregoing the belt that he’s just won. Just for the sake of logic, is all.
SOFIA CLARKE: Thank you so much to everyone who has called. We’re going to give Mr. DEDEDE a little break as I check the social media feed. If you want to be featured, tweet #GAWD anytime during our live broadcast.
MR. DEDEDE: *flatly* I can hardly contain my excitement.
(Sofia is handed an iPad as she begins scrolling through her twitter feed)
SOFIA CLARKE: Okay, Mr. DEDEDE I’m going to fire some quick questions to you and you can respond if you’d wish. Oh here’s one! This is from @zaddyluvr69 and it states: “What is your favorite food? #GAWD”
MR. DEDEDE: My personal chef puts together a delightful grilled chicken caesar salad. A good balance between greens and protein. I’ll sometimes add croutons if I’m looking to add a few carbs.
SOFIA CLARKE: Here’s another from @REVOLTfan98 “What are some hobbies you like to do in your past time? #GAWD”
MR. DEDEDE: I’m a multi-faceted individual all around, I spend a lot of time as an agent going to lesser known promotions around the world and studying the art form and the craft of wrestling. Combat sports in general, I pride myself in being a student of the game and picking up on techniques, styles, personalities, among more nuanced forms of expression that I can use to adapt and expand my mind. There are wrestlers and fighters who I follow religiously that – chances are – the majority of you have never even heard of. Other than that however I fancy myself as a researcher, I enjoy reading books – books on many different topics. If I’m on the road I may indulge in audiobooks for the longer 16 hour-style, although generally speaking I am able to access a good portion of my library from my tablet device. Generally I venture into more esoteric philosophical literary works, other times I’ll delve into rather obscure cultures, religions and civilizations both from the past and present.
SOFIA CLARKE: Oh really! What are you reading now?
MR DEDEDE: I’m currently reading a book called The Reaper’s Garden, which is a book providing perspective on the concept of death – specifically during the time of the Atlantic Slave Trade. It’s certainly given me expansive insight on the global weaponization, and manipulation, of Death as a concept itself. A professor who I still keep in touch with from when I was studying to get my Masters degree in psychology recently recommended this to me, I’d highly recommend it.
SOFIA CLARKE: Alright! Let’s get back to the calls – CALLER, YOU’RE LIVE!
Woman: Hi!!! Shout out to Lawrence!!
MR. DEDEDE: Do you have a question or not.
Woman: Okay… Well as we all know you love dabbling with the instagram thotties, is that right?
MR. DEDEDE: I would like to think of myself as a reformed sexual miscreant.
Woman: Sweetie it’s time for you to get a real woman! What’s your opinion on the Freeweight champion Sienna Jade?
MR. DEDEDE: Well – let me correct myself – somewhat reformed.
SOFIA CLARKE: CALLER! YOU’RE LIVE!
Man: Mr. DEDEDE, who is someone you haven’t faced that you would like to in REVOLT?
MR. DEDEDE: There’s no one that comes to mind right now, but when I think of somebody I’ll be sure to let you know.
SOFIA CLARKE: Thanks for calling! — OK… NEXT CALLER!
Man: NOPE. 1 more – Have you ever considered adding one more DE to your name?
MR. DEDEDE: No, then I would be stealing your catchphrase.
SOFIA CLARKE: OK… NEXT CALLER, PLEASE.
Man: The names Chuck from TMZ… can you please spill the tea, GAWD? Who is the guy you can’t stand in the REVOLT! locker room?
MR. DEDEDE: I have a visceral disdain for about 90% of the REVOLT! locker room, and I can hardly tolerate the other 10%. It’s very hard for me to choose between I hate the most, but I will say something certainly rubs me the wrong way about that Scott Diamond character. He walks around as if he owns the damned place. So I guess for conversations sake I’ll settle on him.
SOFIA CLARKE: YOU’RE LIVE!
Woman: Hey the names Maria.
MR. DEDEDE: Hi.
Woman: I’ve been following you throughout your career and one thing I’ve noticed is that you’re very spiritual. Do you have any superstitions or special routines before your matches?
MR. DEDEDE: Why yes actually, I do. Impact and I use actual swords to sever the heads of live goats after a 30 minute prayer ritual session where we bow before a baphomet and sing hymns of the demonic empire. Once we remove the goat heads I make sure to catch every drop of projectile blood in a golden bejeweled chalice until it’s filled to the brim, and I proceed to guzzle every drop of the sweet nectar of Lucifer – often drinking my fill just in time for the stagehand to poke their head in to inform us that it’s our time to go on.
Maria: Ok, this question may be weird but how do you keep that long hair of yours flowing?
MR. DEDEDE: Oh Maria that’s not a weird question at all! It’s the amino acids … from the blood of virgins, in which I bathe.
Maria: Ok, also can you please come to Miami, Florida and fuck me? Please? I’ll let you hate-fuck me.
MR. DEDEDE: As long as we can roleplay and reenact the Salem Witch Trials.
SOFIA CLARKE: OK… NEXT CALLER!
MR. DEDEDE: Please be intelligent, please be intelligent, please be intellige-
MR. DEDEDE: *groans*
Woman: HEYYYYYYY!!! THE NAMES SUGA AND YOU CAN FIND ME ON MY INSTA @SUGATITS999 AND I WANT TO KNOW YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRETS BABY.
MR. DEDEDE: This is why I can’t stand the majority of women. Airheaded hoes like this one right here.
Suga: NO NEED TO GET DEFENSIVE BABY BUT I WANT TO KNOW, HOW SEXUAL ON A SCALE FROM “VERY” TO “WHEN BAE IN THE MOOD” IS YOUR PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPACT?
MR. DEDEDE: First of all you sound like you weigh fucking 500 pounds. Get off the phone you fat bitch. Breathing all heavy into the mic. God help you when they take away food stamps, fat whore.
SOFIA CLARKE: HMM… NEXT CALLER!
Man: Who is your favorite REVOLT wrestler not named yourself or Impact?
MR. DEDEDE: Depends on the week, and whichever Freeweight is wearing the least amount of clothing that week.
Man: Y’know… this is probably going to be the only chance I get to say this so I’ll say it now: I think you’re overrated.
MR. DEDEDE: Is this GI Styles on the line? Or any of the other weeb faggots who’ve got a problem with me?
Man: I’m only speakin’ facts man not my fault everyone kisses your ass.
MR. DEDEDE: Yeah, they’re lining up a parade for me in the REVOLT! locker room every week and just lining up to kiss my ass. That was sarcasm by the way, pussy. Look bitch it’s not my fault that you’ll amount to nothing in this world and that your lifetime achievement is a part time gig as a Subway sandwich “artist”, or whatever other fast food shop you bus tables at.
Man: How do you feel about teaming with Impact? Y’know, the man carrying your depressed ass.
MR. DEDEDE:. If you put as much energy at bussing tables as you did being a fucking lowlife maybe you’d actually get a raise and earn a couple extra pennies at your shitty minimum wage job. Have fun failing at life, loser. And send the government back your Obama-phone your audio sucks, virgin.
SOFIA CLARKE: ALRIGHT… UMM.. ONE LAST QUESTION! PLEASE MAKE IT GOOD!
MR. DEDEDE: This is Real Talk, go fuck yourself, how may I help you.
Woman: Hi! The names Rachel from ESPN sports, how are you tonight Mr. Adams?
MR. DEDEDE: Slightly suicidal, thanks for asking. Now what’s your question..
Rachel: How does a man of your stature find the time to compete in different promotions in 2018?
MR. DEDEDE: *sigh* Well it isn’t anything I haven’t done before. Time certainly takes a toll obviously so doing what I’m doing now isn’t as easy as it was four years ago when I held two World Championships in two different promotions simultaneously. Now I have a lot more responsibilities, but I’m also well prepared both physically and mentally as well as responsibility-wise where I’m able to make sure everything that’s needed to be taken care of gets taken care of.
The fact of the matter is though Rachel, there’s really no such thing as “not having time” when you’re in the state of mind that I’m in. People who live sedated lives working menial jobs love to talk about how there aren’t enough hours of the day. As far as I’m concerned 24 hours is more than enough time to spare, and every hour of everyday contributes to my side of the fight in this war. I am on a conquest for complete, hegemonic order – not just in wrestling, but in all of combat sports. Every hour I am both awake and asleep, something is being done to contribute to my goal. So in all actuality my stature doesn’t have much to do with anything, I fight with this level of fervor because it is what I was born to do. Had this not been my passion I would not be capable of doing it, but my legacy as well as the legacy of this business hangs in the balance, and my actions of today influence the outcomes of tomorrow as well as perceptions of the past. I plan on having complete control of all three.
Rachel: One more, don’t kill me Sofia haha; Could we see another Gawd Contract match happen in REVOLT?
MR. DEDEDE: The Gawd Contract is irrelevant to me, and I don’t know why people continue to bring it up. I didn’t come to REVOLT for perks, I didn’t settle on the Lebron James-Miami Heat caliber pay cut to obsess over personal contracts. I’m here on the same playing field as someone else, because along the way some people like that previous caller have allowed the elapsing of time to disillusion them and cloud their perception of just who the hell I am. So I’m willing to start from whatever starting point I’m asked to be in, that way when I’m at the indisputable helm of this company and this sector of combat sports, there will be NONE who could ever dare to resist me – much less impose me. That, Rachel, is called POWER.
Rachel: OKAY, ONE MORE AND THAT’S IT! Do you prefer Impact, Diamond Cage, Ryan Savage or Captain Charisma as a tag team partner?
MR DEDEDE: Impact. Without a shadow of a doubt. Among the people you just listed, one of those names simply do not belong. The other men you named were and still are failures – perpetual failures – first class letdowns, lesser beings, scum sitting at the bottom of the barrell. It isn’t even close here.
Rachel: What inspired you to unite with one of your biggest rivals in Impact?
MR. DEDEDE: We simply found ourselves in two similar states where we have spent so long dominating an industry, so busy consumed by our ego and our pride that we saw each other and completely overlooked all of the similarities and likeminded beliefs due to blind contempt. We fought for many years to be rulers of the same world, and we’ve both embraced the concept of adapt or perish, build and destroy, change form and remain formless – we’ve embraced concepts like these for our entire careers. That’s why when we continue to make the arduous trek to the top of Mt. Olympus, many other fall, yet we seem to always reconvene. At some point you have to look past your petty differences and see a brother in arms for who he is. We evidently have the same exact goal, and judging by this tag team championship I have sitting here with me, you get the sense of just how quickly we can materialize our vision into reality – under a united front.
Rachel: Ah okay, that’s understandable. What year did you really feel like you ascended to ‘Gawd’ Hood?
MR. DEDEDE: I’m not particularly wrapped up in the concept of “Gawd Hood” right now. I certainly acknowledge that many people still see me in that sort of light, however a God needs not fight in the frontlines of his own war. A God creates the chess board, lays the chess pieces, and influences the game accordingly. I had my chance to do that, I had my chance to sit on the throne and allow the ‘simulation’ for lack of a better term to play out – and it resulted in nothing but utter disarray. I am lifting my sword that was once set in stone, I am taking up that sword from stone for one more time, I am choosing not to rest on my accolades and my status as the undisputed greatest, and I am choosing to risk EVERYTHING – my reputation, my legacy, my own personal health, and the wellbeing of those around me in order to reshape this world in the image that I wish to see it in. So as far as I’m concerned Rachel, my true ascent has not even begun yet.
SOFIA CLARKE: OKAY, thank you so much Rachel for those questions. EVERYONE, it appears our time is up! Let me give one last big thank you to our guest Mr. DEDEDE for taking time out of his incredibly busy schedule to be here with us tonight. We definitely appreciate it!
MR. DEDEDE: The pleasure is all yours.
SOFIA CLARKE: Any last parting words you’d like to share?
MR. DEDEDE: My head hurts.
SOFIA CLARKE: That’s all for tonight, folks. If you want to rewatch this episode you can! Only on Fight Grid. Take care!
(Music begins to play as Mr. DEDEDE immediately takes his title and walks out as he leaves Sofia alone on stage. The cameras fade to black as REVOLT’s log ascends.)