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Real Talk With Sofia Clarke Episode 4, Special Guest: The Revenant

(Music begins to lightly play in the background as the cameras focus on the beautiful, energetic, enthusiastic Sofia Clarke who is in a dimly lit room that quickly resembles of a cozy living room.)

SOFIA CLARKE: Welcome everyone to yet another edition of…

(Sofia pauses as she pulls out a red button with the words “REAL TALK” in white text over it. Sofia gleefully pushes the button.)

“R E A L T A L K”

SOFIA CLARKE: You guys like the button? Hmm? MY PRODUCER GOT IT FOR ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY! I’m sorry, I know I look a bit extra enthusiastic today but it’s because you guys gave our three previous episodes of real talk SO MUCH LOVE that we have been begged to make another… THREE EPISODES! Now, if you’re familiar with the showbiz’ shows can get cancelled within a blink of an eye. So seeing how much the REVOLT! Execs like it makes me giddy. But what makes me more giddy, you ask? Well… Tonight’s guest is someone who I’ve always DREAMED of interviewing because of his unique background and overall stand-outish personality. Ladies and gentlemen please give a warm welcome to THE REVENANT!

(The cameras then shift to The Revenant as he sits beside Sofia wearing a black dress shirt and black slacks. The Rev smiles as Sofia blushes.)

THE REVENANT: Pleasure to be here

SOFIA CLARKE: So, Rev, as you’ve seen with our previous episodes we’ve primarily used a landline to take calls from our rambunctious viewers. My producer, Johnathan, has discovered some ground-breaking technology that will make our show go by 100 times smoother!

THE REVENANT: The magic of a bigger budget

SOFIA CLARKE: I know! So… Johnny boy will you do the honors!

(A man wearing a headset quickly walks into the frame as he puts a bulky 2011 HP Pavilion laptop on Sofia’s lap. Sofia turns the laptop around and shows the viewers the Skype software opened and ready to run.)

SOFIA CLARKE: YES! WE GOT A SKYPE!

THE REVENANT: So now we can see our snarky viewers in Three Hundred and Sixty Pixels, Beautiful!

SOFIA CLARKE: I personally have never heard of this but it’s like a phone! But without having to pay for the phone bill!

THE REVENANT: Sure

SOFIA CLARKE: If you want to test your luck and ask The Revenant any question, please feel free to add our skype account “R3V0LT18” and we will take the first call that pops up.

(The Revenant takes a peek at the screen as the iconic Skype call tone begins to play.)

THE REVENANT: (gazes off screen) Let’s hope Talib remembered to pay the internet this month….

SOFIA CLARKE: OUR FIRST CALLER! How exciting!! Alright, Rev, do the honors!

(The Revenant places his finger on the mousepad and clicks on the big green phone icon.)

SOFIA CLARKE: YOU ARE LIVE WITH THE REVENANT AND SOFIA CLARKE! WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION??

THE REVENANT: What’s up man, how’s it goin’?

User – gr33npanduh: Heyo, this is Michael.

THE REVENANT: Well isn’t that just coincidental

gr33npanduh: So, I’ve uh, been a huge fan since your MMA days.

THE REVENANT: Followed me all the way from UCD? Nice to see I’ve got people who remember my Hay Day.

gr33npanduh: You were so good dude…. You won me 500 dollars and a pack of beer once….

THE REVENANT: You’re Welcome.

gr33npanduh: Have you ever thought of going back to MMA? And winning me a few more bets here and there…

THE REVENANT: Ha, Ha. Sure in the future, but for right now I’m pretty set on remaining in Pro Wrestling with Revolt, but I couldn’t see me retiring without going back to MMA for one more stint.

gr33npanduh: Why?

THE REVENANT: It’s just the change in pace. I feel between Bannon, UCD, and all the other fights and accomplishments I proved my worth as an MMA Fighter. I signed onto Revolt to get a taste of Pro Wrestling, and I think it stuck with me. So for the foreseeable future, I’ll be in the squared circle, rather than the octagon.

SOFIA CLARKE: Thank you so much for your question, Michael! Caller, you’re live!

User – Nekkbeyurdz66: Whoa, am I live?!

THE REVENANT: No, you’re dead. Welcome to being a Revenant.

SOFIA CLARKE: Yes, yes you are!

Nekkbeyurdz66: Wait, am I really live?!

THE REVENANT: No I’m just here on my off time.

Nekkbeyurdz66: Sorry! I remember I went to a live *BEEP* show back in December and I saw you live! You high-fived me!

THE REVENANT: Guy with The Dead Spades shirt right? Badass gear, and you knew who was the real head of that team. Nice shit man, how’re you?

Nekkbeyurdz66: I’m good man just freaking out… How does REVOLT compare to other places you’ve worked?

THE REVENANT: Revolt’s championship and division system meshes a lot with what what I was used to in MMA. The weight classes allow for equal footing, and the championships are all held to the same degree, unlike other promotions where there are world champions, and then “jobbers”.

Nekkbeyurdz66: OK another question because my bitch 12 year old sister won’t shut up; do you like ponies?

THE REVENANT: Stallions are cooler.

SOFIA CLARKE: Thanks nekk! Next caller!

User – cubs4life94: Sup.

THE REVENANT: The Sky.

Cubs4life94: i just have one question… cubs or white socks?

THE REVENANT: White Sox, Southside got their cup first.

SOFIA CLARKE: Next caller!

User – ifkingh8rev: I CLICKED THIS LINK BECAUSE SOME LOSER ON MY TIMELINE RT’D IT… BUT IS THIS REALLY THE REVENANT WHO WAS IN MMA?

THE REVENANT: No I’m the other bloke who was in Xander Cage.

Ifkingh8rev: HAHA, DID YOU JOIN PRO-WRESTLING BECAUSE YOU SUCKED ASS AT MMA?

THE REVENANT: from the look of you pal, the only one suckin’ people’s asses here is you.

Ifkingh8rev: OOO IM SO SCARED PAL!

THE REVENANT: You’re Nintey Five pounds of Suckass, I’m sure you are.

Ifkingh8rev: MEET ME IN BROOKLYN, BITCH.

THE REVENANT: Last I checked Brooklyn’s where all the people who’re too much of a bitch for Harlem go, I’ll buy a fuckin’ ticket right now.

Ifkingh8rev: I’LL TEACH YOU HOW TO REALLY TUSSLE AND HUSSLE FAGBOY.

THE REVENANT: God all you New Yorkers talk so much shit, but then when it comes to winning things like a welterweight belt or a sense of self respect, you go flacid as shit. Put up, or Shut The Fuck Up.

SOFIA CLARKE: (Quickly pushes the end call button) He- He really isn’t worth our time. NEXT CALLER!

THE REVENANT: ‘ello, ‘ello…

User – anamarialopez: Hi Rev!! Oh my gosh you’re so cute!

THE REVENANT: Oh, thank you.

Anamarialopez: I’m trying sooo hard not to fan girl right now!!! Ahh!!!

THE REVENANT: Well this is a stark change from Brooklyn Boy.

Anamarialopez: Rev, if there ever was an intergender tournament in REVOLT, what Freeweight would you choose as your partner and why?

THE REVENANT: Sheckler.

Anamarialopez: Oooo, is there a love connection there?!

THE REVENANT: Sheckler has an MMA background, and considering my style of fighting I’d think we’d mesh well. Also no, but Twitter will keep asking.

Anamarialopez: Haha, thanks for answering my questions!

THE REVENANT: What I’m here for.

SOFIA CLARKE: Thanks Ana, next caller!

User – ministerace: Hey, this is umm Ronald… McDonald… Do you think that your former tag team with REVOLT! Pro Combat ALUMNI Sinister Ace impacted your career?

THE REVENANT: I sure as shit impacted him when Shackleford and I kicked his ass.

Ministerace: Ok… Thoughts on Andrei Sokolova as WHC?

THE REVENANT: Incorrect.

Ministerace: Huh?….

THE REVENANT: It’s pronounced ‘Paper Champion’

Ministerace: I’m trying to think of more questions to ask… once in a lifetime moment y’know…

THE REVENANT: Sure

Ministerace: black… or white…?

THE REVENANT: Black. I like colors.

SOFIA CLARKE: My, are callers sure are asking the DARING questions, right Rev?

THE REVENANT: I’m on the edge of my seat…

SOFIA CLARKE: We’re going to take a quick break as we hear a message from our sponsors!

(Sponsor: Heyo, want a free one-night movie rental on us? Simply go to redbox.com/REALTALK and take advantage of this special promotion! There are limited quantities so go now!)sy

SOFIA CLARKE: Rev, in honor of our sponsor tonight, Redbox, what is your favorite movie?

THE REVENANT: Saving Private Ryan

SOFIA CLARKE: Now that we’re on the topic, I was searching my Twitter feed and came across this tweet! @sykosidd asks “I loved yo movie can you introduce me to Leonardo DiCaprio? #THEREV”

THE REVENANT: I love my fans, but at the same time, I also hate them for torturing me….. But if you manage to find me on the street I have Leo on speed dial.

SOFIA CLARKE: Wonderful. Alright, let’s get back to the questions… You’re live!

User – gymfr3ak: This may be a dumb question so bear with me.

THE REVENANT: These Revenant references are un-bearable.

Gymfr3ak: Is Michael Bishop or The Revenant your birth name?

THE REVENANT: I want you to take a good, hard guess.

Gymfr3ak: Sorry! I knew it was a dumb question!

THE REVENANT: At least it wasn’t about ponies

Gymfr3ak: What exactly did you do before signing with REVOLT?

THE REVENANT: I’m a Two Time MMA Heavyweight Champion

Gymfr3ak: Who is someone you’re personally a fan of in the roster?

THE REVENANT: Off the top of my head I’d say someone I’ve enjoyed following in the company has been Dampshaw.

Gymfr3ak: Can you elaborate on that?

THE REVENANT: Fun Buddeh, sense of style, and everyone loves a good creighton accent. At least, I do

SOFIA CLARKE: Thanks so much, gymmi!… Get it, because–

THE REVENANT: No.

SOFIA CLARKE: NEXT CALLER! MAKE IT GOOD PEOPLE!

User – diamondsr4ever: You shoulda never won at REVOLT 1 tbh.

THE REVENANT: It’s a sport. It’s called ‘Combat Sports’. It’s not scripted, It’s not going in there and hitting air, it’s going in there for a fight. Diamond and I both stepped up, and he got his ass beat by a man forty pounds lighter than him.

Diamondsr4ever: Whatever. Now that the match is all said and done, whatcha think of Scott Diamond?

THE REVENANT: He’s a roided up hack, who couldn’t beat a man his size, so he ran off to bully some welterweight for the last month and a half. A pure example of the ‘Pain’ and ‘Terror’ people see in him. Truly.

SOFIA CLARKE: Okay, I think we’re just going to take ONE more caller and we will be done! Make it good, please!

EmilyDavidson: Hey, this is Emily from wrestlingbar101, how are you tonight Revenant?

THE REVENANT: I’m doing pretty swell. Weather’s nice, meeting random people and degenerates on the internet.

EmilyDavidson: We’ve seen how much of a dominating figure you’ve been in REVOLT and I have to say, it’s incredibly impressive and quite sexy.

THE REVENANT: Impressive, Yes. Sexy, most Cer-Tain-Ly

EmilyDavidson: What hobbies do you do outside of wrestling? Who is the Revenant exactly?

THE REVENANT: (Shrugs and sits back in his chair) MMA funnily enough started out as a hobby. So while I train for wrestling matches I still try to expand my knowledge into other martial arts. Apart from that, I do a bit of skeet shooting here and there, and I’ve started up a steam account recently. The original doom is still a badass game.

EmilyDavidson: Revenant, what inspires you to wrestle and continue forward with your career?

THE REVENANT: It’s a good deal of ambition really. With any Combat Sport you don’t enter just for shucks and money, that’s why many ‘rich kids’ who’ve been funded by their pop, to come and make a quick buck never lasted long. I’m In my thirties, and through training, conditioning, and practice I’ve been able to be on the top of my game, but it still doesn’t change the fact that, with nearly Ten Years in the Combat Sports industry, I want to change this place, and the landscape for the better, and set a much better example than other people have. I can’t do that by retiring and rotting away in the southside of Chicago.

EmilyDavidson: Amazing. Any favorite tunes you like to jam to before a match?

THE REVENANT: Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, and because I know this’ll piss off half the locker room, Eminem.

EmilyDavidson: One more… Who is someone in REVOLT that you haven’t faced that you would love to go up against in the mere future?

THE REVENANT: Lucian Ball. If there’s any fight I could have that I’m genuinely interested in after I defeat Andrei, I’d like to dance with the son of perdition at least once.

EmilyDavidson: Thank you so much for your time.

THE REVENANT: No. Problem.

SOFIA CLARKE: LADIES AND GENTS, i think that’s all the time we have for tonight’s show. Rev, where can our viewers find you when you’re not in the ring?

THE REVENANT: On socialgram as @TheReaper, Twitter as @MikeBishopInc, hit me up.

SOFIA CLARKE: Also! Make sure to follow our official REVOLT twitter account @RevoltProCombat and one lucky follower will receive a THE REVENANT shirt!

(Sofia holds up a “THE REV” shirt.)

SOFIA CLARKE: Any parting words, Rev?

THE REVENANT: Buy Revolt 2 on the Grid. Come for the Main Event, stay to see The New Heavyweight Champion Of The World.

SOFIA CLARKE: Thank you so much, folks! Until next time!

(Sofia and The Revenant embrace with a friendly hug as Sofia immediately takes her phone out to take a selfie with her guest. The camera slowly goes out of focus as it fades to black.)